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How embarrassed are you?
Before we begin, there are a few questions we need to ask ourselves.
Embarrassments are a major cause of crime in today’s world. In each of our everyday lives, there are so many who feel embarrassed, ashamed, humiliated and hurt.
Question is how important it is for us?
How do our embarrassments shape us?
Should humiliations be the deciding points of our life?
If you don’t avenge our embarrassments or humiliations what can we make of them?
There is also a thin line- which ones should we avenge and which ones should we leave out?
Whenever I meet people, I often make it a point to route my topics to this above particular question. Primarily, every single person I have asked this question has told me that we can either completely forget our humiliations or we can forget none, and that there is no middle path to it.
But, what if there is a middle path to it? What if we can know for sure what to hold on to and what not?
A vivid discussion would arise but, then answers to every vivid discussion are just the same.
A two to three liner solution!
Wouldn’t it be a far lighter world and wouldn’t we have more time to focus on far more important things?
Or are we weak and do we want to surround ourselves with small things- making pennies and a life out of a mound instead of a mountain?
Most of us live our whole lives in shame. The sense of shame is like a sense of guilt. It never leaves us if we have faced shame ever like if we have ever done something wrong, we always feel guilty. Guilt comes from our conscience straight and shame comes from our brain’s emotional center.
What is conscience?
It’s an unseen, intangible word, heard often. For some people, our conscience is synonymous with our soul. For others, its existence doesn’t matter. They feel what they don’t see does not exist. Strangely, some of them worship God but don’t believe in the soul. For them often, there is very little in between life and death thus.
Now, our conscience is real and it does exist and is scientifically that part of the brain which merges our emotional and intellectual concepts. Synergy is just not the only role it plays but our conscience often leaves its footprint on our minds.
Ahhh! How we battle our conscience day in and day out to take a step ahead is not unknown to many of us.
But for some actions don’t arise out of our conscience’s footprints, instead, they arise from the source of the problem.
Erratic actions come out of erratic problems
When erratic actions are judged by the conscience, we can bring them to a close many a times as the conscience is synergy- Conscience is always the truth, the gut, the mind, and the soul- a combination of every voice we hear inside us every day, every moment of our lives.
Now, when someone betrays the conscience, they gain guilt.
Similarly, when someone’s emotional center dealing with our egos gets hurt, they feel ashamed and embarrassed.
If I sum up embarrassment, I can always say it is the total of all our egos that persists in a weakened state at a time when a particular action hits us. The process is too complicated but I will try to simplify it for you.
I will go with a small example to show you how embarrassment acts within us.
- Let’s say Trila is wearing a beautiful pink floral dress and she has put on the perfect makeup.
- She looks herself up in the mirror and is too pleased with her image.
- Trila walks out of the house and there on the freshly rained roads is a small dirty puddle.
- Unaware she trips and falls in the puddle and the next moment she looks back at herself she is smelly and patchy. No one on the street recognizes her well and then all her ‘shocking’ is exposed.
- She quickly gathers her wits, stands up to prevent those prowling eyes from scanning her body, looks at the laughing crowd for a moment, and runs back into the comforts of her room.
- She cleans herself up externally but a mark is set on her mind wherein she connects some dots to that patch.
- The patch mark in her mind is clean, clear, quite prominent, and fresh.
- Similarly, she has by now figured out the errors that led to her fall and she feels and will keep feeling forever that had she not worn those high heels or dressed in that skimpy dress, things might have been different.
- So the next time Trila goes out, she knows that she has to also look for a pit on the road.
- She has to also learn to ignore those mocking jays, who, walk by you on the road and harass you for being incompetent in just one more thing.
- But this is the hardest part; most people never leave you and even if they do their hushed voices keep replaying in the mind for ages- their voices never leave us. Mostly, their voices have hurt a neuron or two in our brain’s hurt zone and these cells take revenge upon the humankind that they house by never letting the human forget their hurt or death and thus, to torture you, they transfer the memory that hurt their kin into the longer more enduring neurons or nerve cells.
- Hola! You are adopted and you will never forget that hurt part no matter how silly it might look after years of more shame and embarrassment piling up over that teeny weeny one that you got years back.
- It now functions within your brain as a conditioned reflex, basically, a sudden response that comes to you whenever you face the same situation again in your life or even worse when you see someone facing it in front of you.
Here it goes,
This is your whole life cycle of yours and now, from this above explanation, you might have understood why we call our life a cycle- a never-ending round trip we keep completing each day, each moment.
What do you do? How do you deal with it?
Do you merely tackle it?
Do you spin with it again, again and again?
Or do you break it?
Most of us have developed a system of reward and punishment in this circular world.
All of us frankly eat out of this very cycle of right & wrong, good & bad, up & down, high & low in the world.
But some dream of breaking some cycles for sure!
If you want to break your cycle of embarrassment, then do read the next post next week or the next.