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“I had taken shape close to the hottest desert of the world, the Kalahar. The hidden spring was home to me, under the ground amongst the glowing cave. Not all know about it, dragon breath cave.
The desert was within me, I loved it,
I loathed it, I abhorred it.
There was nothing to do much, wild long stretches of sand spread all over.
There were no dreams, no hopes. The stars were brightest but their twinkle never sprinkled on us.
Home was only a sister. Mom left and dad left much before we realised. She was happy with a man, dad was happy with another woman.
One day someone raped her and killed her, my sister. She was good and kind to me. The men who did it were the men she had fought till her last breath. I looked up, that night after her final rites I watched the stars as I always did.
I realised there was a dream now, to be like her, brave, courageous, fighting for my wants and needs.
I ran away two days later when the men who killed her came to seek for me.
“You tell us. We killed her, she didn’t come with us. We are men, what she thinks of her, yaee? But, we are ready to compensate, you take gun, we give money, big money. You marry, go around do whatever you want, make children. We give you dreams for your sister’s booty and her life.”
I ran away, I hung from the underneath of trucks till I reached a port by night. There was no bravery in living a slave. She died free and I would live free.
People said I have always chosen the hard way.
Yes, I have and I saw a ship, it was a ship 🛳 of dreams to Europe.
I got into a barrel, and was rolled into the ship. I was kept in the lounge area. It was a dustbin, I realised later.
Whole day people dumped food and waste upon me. I lived eating from it, leftovers. But the leftover was also very delicious. I had never known food could be something to savour, something to cherish.
I had built a false base which I held over me all day long. I heard people cry and laugh. I heard unhappiness, sorrows, lamentations.
I was a happy man, the sky was bright, people worried, I rejoiced that others worried too, others lived dreamless nights, and wafted during the days doing meaningless work to earn the money, the Sun was brighter, but my skin was already black, why do I care how tough the Sun was, I had nothing to worry. I was already burnt. Money which bought them a sail on a ship, I was free, no one knew me, I had hopes now and dreams.
At night after everyone slept, I used to throw the garbage in the ocean, washed myself clean and slept in the lounge alone in the cold winds. No one ever stopped by me, in those days thank Godgin there were no cameras and hidden cams.
I survived. I thought I had won the war.
But then once I landed in Spain, I realised the war had just begun.
I travelled and travelled till I got work. Often I did not know which country I was going to or coming from, except this chit which I caught tightly in my arms unknowingly till I slept and my arms opened. But then by then I had already memorised the name. I had become a goon. My needs had to be filled. Guns were my only weapon.
I tried talking American, I tried being Spanish, Italian, Brazilian, and all other countries. I learnt English. I got a wife, a child.
One day I thought I was still living small, scared. I decided I could not be my sister, and the ones who killed my sister were right. I was never meant to choose hard, for I cannot choose hard. If I had listened to them I would not have pained myself, lost myself.
But now that I had lost myself, I found everybody in me and me in everyone.
Killing, extracting, snatching, fighting was not hard.
Since, everywhere I was fighting myself, snatching from myself, killing myself.
In it I found peace and never got caught strangely.
But when I snatched from your father…………