At 15, with a lonely home and enough in the bank, he did not know what he could do with himself. Going to school was painful but to honor his dead parents he forced his way through the days. A month had passed now and it was almost winters. No one came to kill him and yet, he still stood watching the silvery silhouettes of that night imagining, what could have happened on the streets, again and again. To pass time, he would clean, cook, and mend fences and with each work, he would repeat the sequence again and again in his head. He had become wary of strangers towards his neighbours, relations, and friends. After almost a month and repeated “no answers” most people left calling. The home was freshly painted by his father the previous summer and Golmak knew it could last him ten years. He had gone with his father to buy those paints and he wanted good, bright paints for the walls, the ever lasting ones. When he told his father, he had broken into a loud cackle which now reverberated only in his memories, dying to see the sunshine again. Somehow he knew his father still wanted to live and that would pain him more. He would cook, clean, do homework on his own and he kept going, most importantly.
One day, he asked himself, almost 4 months later while Christmas rang bells in every home and he could just manage a bell for two cats with the money he decided to spend on gifts.
“I am not sure I know what to do. I ain’t sure, if the way of revenge is my way, the way of finding the truth or is it better to quietly take what I have now and see what can be made of it in the future.”
For long his self did not reply back to him but then it did.
Somewhere he said to himself.
“Finding the truth makes you a hero, spells courage. Sitting back and doing nothing spells cowardice. What you do depends how you want to shape your life. However, calculating your risks and slowly heading forward could help eliminate your own killing in the process which means you go to college, spend another 7 or 8 years collecting information and then check again with yourself as to what you want to do based on who you’ve become by then.”
Golmak was not sure if choosing that very moment was the right step or choosing the past, seeking revenge even when his self took a side.
Basically, nothing went forward if not done the right way – neither the present moment or the past.
He was a recluse, ate, slept, and did his own small things….things that don’t exist in the bigger picture but are instrumental in creating the bigger picture.
It was six months to a close. The harsh winters, the Christmas were done and now it was the new year. With no one around, he had plenty of time to study, clean snow, watch some movies and the snow and catch up with some work.
The only thing he was to decide was, should be try to take the bait of living a life of not his calling but a life dragging through pieces that were not his puzzles but were added by people who did not want men to follow their own calling.
Golmak’s mother used to tell him that only those people who did not follow their own calling or could not follow their own calling (because they were lazy, had spiralling situations, or did not believe in any such things) were against the path.
Snehashree is a content creator by profession and writer by passion. She is a storyteller, poet, and abstract artist besides being a content writer. She has published her works of poetry on Amazon and several online magazines. She moved into full time writing after spending a few years in the healthcare industry. A solivagant and an ardent animal lover, she regularly crafts interesting articles for her blog - TST.
When not writing, she can be found reciting poetries in poetry clubs, teaching kids the art of poetry, and reading avidly. You could visit her website and chat with her on Instagram.
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